An oldie (not to us) but a good a goodie (to us)

Right Field Memoirs 4

Suniland Park. Miami, Florida. Nineteen Eighties. 10:22 A.M on a Saturday.

So, back out here in prison. Or atleast the baseball diamond's version of it. Solitare. Lonely hell- RIGHT FIELD. Today something embarrassing as hell happened to me. It was the second inning. I was doing my normal right field duties: Yelling "hey batta batta", kicking up grass, punching my glove and thinking about wrestling. I thought, what if Hulk Hogan was a bad guy? Ha, I scoffed at that notion. "that is the most rediculous thing I think I have ever heard in my entire life. Haha, I couldn't even imagine it. I tried. Real hard actually.

We were playing the blue jays. They were not very good. But then again, neither were we. So, although they couldn't seem to hit our pitcher, our pitcher couldn't seem to get the ball over the plate either. So walk after walk led to the EXTREMELY PREDICTABLE end result of a boring right field. I swung myself around still pondering Hogan as a bad guy when it happened. A blue Jay hitter hit a ball down the right field line. At the sound of the bat hitting the ball I sung myself back around clockwise towards home plate and darted my eyes looking for the action. People were looking at me, as I was looking at them. Well, guess what? Just as I swung myself around towards the diamond, I did so in just a fashion where I missed seeing the ball pacing itself down the right field line. They yelled at me to get it. I didn't know what they hell they were talking about, and in my mind I yelled back at them to get it. And then I saw it. I ran to get it. Grabbed it. Threw it in. And became my own team's villan. "So, is this how Hulk Hogan would feel if he actually went bad?", I thought to myself. I payed close attention to the action the rest of the game. No more balls came my way. And bored out of my mind I quickly became. But my eyes were peeled. This F'n Sucks!

Friar Tebow.

Denver Bronco rookie is the new guy. Rookies sometimes get hazed. That's what happened to Tebow here. The thing is, this wasn't done by veteran Denver Broncos players. No, this was done by the high school kids at Tim Tebow's new church in Denver. Oh you funny high school kids you!

the Urban Files 1

As many of you know, we have heavy FSU representation here at the ole Short Attention What? Sports Department. Therefore, in an effort to keep things fair, we have allowed our token Gator Alum to spout his gator news (nonsense) in a weekly report called the Urban Files:

-First year in the post-Tebow world of Gainesville should not have us fans worried. On the contrary actually. New starting Quarterback John Brantley throws a better ball than his predecessor and has the weapons to get it to. Expect to see Brantley under center a lot more than Tebow. Also expect to see some two back sets. The speed Brantley has around him is unmatched in the college football world. The one thing I'm slightly concerned about is his leadership. Obviously in Tebow we had the greatest leader the college football world has witnessed in the last several decades. So that is the big question mark with Brantley: Can he show at least a percentage of that leadership Tebow held. All reports from sources in Gainesvile say an astounding YES!

-On the defensive side of the ball, we lost some leaders as well in CB Haden and LB Spikes. Both high character guys that led our defense by example. How will this team rebound? Easy- their names are Jelani Jenkins and Jon Bostic. Both of these young L-Backers are smart, hit hard and are ready. One name to keep an eye out for though- is incoming freshman Michael Taylor (non stop motor).

-We brought in the best D-line class we have ever seen in Gainseville. The people in the know that I have spoken with say, Ronald Powell and Sharif Floyd will certainly see playing time. He also told me that (now veteran) Omar Hunter should be the dominant D Tackle we were all expecting.

-congrats to Emmit Smith on being inducted to the NFL Hall of Fame! Many more Gators are sure to join him soon.

-One other nugget. Andre Debose is practicing! Andre Debose is practicing! Thats right! For the first time since his arrival, Percy-clone Andre Debose is practicing and will without a doubt be the most exciting newcomer to the college football world this year. Don't beleive me? watch exhibit A below:

Every week, this token gator trapped in an Online-Nole-World gets to express his views, news and nuggets from Titletown. Come back every week! Go Gators!

Editor's (FSU's) note:

Just want to make sure everyone knows that when you speak of Brandon Spikes as a high charcater guy....who led your defense by example, that this is the same Brandon Spikes you were referring to:

Also, we beg to differ that Debose will without a doubt be the most exciting newcomer to the college football world this year. We present exhibit B:

Podcast Review with Katmandu

Every Friday, Podcast Review with Katmandu points out for you the best, most complete, fulfilling, altogether awesome, the shizzy, and other good adjective(d) podcasts of the week. Our weeks are from Friday through Thursday.

The only rules for making our lists are:

-They must be released during that Friday through Thursday period.
-They must be free.
-They must rule Katmandu's (that's me) face.


This week's review covers the week of Friday, July 30th through Thursday, August 5th.


THE TOPS:

Coming in at Number 3....

* NPR SHUFFLE release date August 2nd.

This podcast had a lot of great stuff. Starts off with an interesting story on IP addresses and how they are the computer world's "endangered species". Not to worry, a plan is in motion.
Then there is an interview with an author who wrote a book that involves literary farces. This segment featured the author responding to the question, "Does the story end on the last page?" with a sharp response, "No story ends on the last page." Also, a segment which poses the question, "Do you know who the sugar king of pre-comunist Cuba was?" Find out in this episode. There are also stories about electric cars, oil dispersants and more. All in all, this Shuffle contains several super solid segments. This week, this individual episode trumped all that NPR's most emailed or NPR's most downloaded could offer.

Coming in at Number 2...

*The BS Report release date 8/2 Parts One and Two.

Bill Simmons had on Sex Drugs and Coco Puffs Author and all together Pop Culture Guru Chuck Klosterman. The two spent both parts mainly discussing Lebron James. Simmons has been on record revealing his recent disappointment in James. Klosterman spends most of the time giving Simmons plausible theories on why Lebron really isn't all that bad. By the end, he convinced me too. A line by Chuck K I really liked was as follows: "If you think sports is life and death, then you might as well believe in Unicorns." Also and not leastly, Klosterman reveals to the listeners a "new way" to watch shows like Entourage and How to make it in America. Simmons is good at creating a comfortable atmosphere in which creative people feel free to be themselves in front of millions of thousands of people (or at least of several thousands of ones of people).

And Number 1.....

*The Phil Hendrie Show Mini-Podcast Bud Dickman's Nightly News release date August 4th...

Hendrie only releases tiny clips from his show in free podcast form. And while this clip was only 5 minutes long,. It ws just too damn good not to include in this weeks tops. It is just Bud Dickman and Phil (and for a minute David G Hall). It's Bud Dickman's News. If you don't know Bud, you might want to listen....errr, you will listen...errrr.. YOU MUST LISTEN. Heres how Bud words the news on Maxine Waters: Maxine Water broke a house rule on ethic and she's a Democrat at California. Thanks Bud, for evrything you do.





also of note:

This is the first Podcast Review with Katmandu. And yet, no This American Life? That would be like the baseball Hall of Fame's first induction not including Babe Ruth. Except, not really. This is not a lifetime achievement award. The tops of the week are for this very week only. However, we must mention that while this weeks This American Life did not make the Tops, it still had some great moments. Katmandu's favorite moment: A conversation between This American Life contributor to a very elderly woman by way of an interpreter.

This American Life? contributor: (read in a soft thoughtful questioning manner)

Did FDR ever come here to buy moonshine?

Elderly Woman:

huh?

Elderly woman's daughter (interpreter) at the top of her lungs:

DID FDR EVERY COME HERE TO BUY MOONSHINE?

That whole conversation killed. Also of note, This Week on Lot Episode 38:Toga, Toga, Toga release date: August 3rd. This week on lot, all neo-hippy, Jam-Band loving, Heady and Brah often saying, and what-not-podcast is not for everyone. Shoot, it's not even for the good people at Podcast Review with Katmandu some of the time. But sometimes it intrigues the shit out of me. One highlight was when a newly dreaded woman spoke on the transition into dreaded world (not dreaded world- but dreaded world, well you know the difference we speak of). Another highlight was when the hosts discuss the best ways to sneak "stuff" into a concert.

Visit us every friday for a new Podcast Review with Katmandu

Please send thoughts, suggestions, hate mail and/or love mail to shortattentionwhat@gmail.com

Perspective Art.....this picture ain't quite what it seems.

Found in New Haven, Connecticut this some motha-jammin large scale art.

Check out Swiss Artist Felice Varini get his Giant Perspective Art on.

So what you wind up with is something that used to like this:

....now looks like this..

see more and learn and experience more and become a better person and just go visit their dang site already at http://design-crisis.com/?p=730

Great F'n News! Louis CK announcement.

Louis posted this on his twitter account earlier today:

Folks, FX has picked up LOUIE for a second season. 13 more eps. Holy hitlers mothers tits. This is very good news.

Future Short Attention What? C.E.O? This kid is pissed!

Right Field Memoirs 3

Suniland Park. Miami, Florida. Late Nineteen Eighties.

So, I am stuck out in snoozville, USA again. Right field. Fourth inning. The game is snailing along. Run after run, on walk after walk. And dribbled infield hit after dribbled infield hit. And walk after dribbled infield hit. And dribbled infield hit after walk. And, well you get the idea. A whole lot of nothing to do for a right fielder. The other team is winning once again-something like 12 to a little. We got like three, I think. It's a whoop down. And I got nothing to do, but spit some spit, punch my glove and yell out of nowhere, ' Hey batta batta, hey batta batta, suh Wing, batta batta, cant-hit-it cant-hit-it cant-hit-it, suh wing batta, batta, can't-hit-it.


Sometimes that works. Sometimes is doesn't. And to be clear, when I say "sometimes that works" I am not referring to the heckling working on startling the batter into a whiff. No, I am saying sometimes me yelling that works in getting rid of my dang boredeom. But most of the time it doesn't. And this is one of those times in which it doesn't. I am more gawd dang bored than ever. I blame that sick motha fucka Abner Doubleday who created this childhood purgatory.



All evil genius-like, I could just picture Doubleday now.

"Hmmm, yes, I will create a sport which will include positions to play in which certain people will be all alone and away from everyone. And forced to stay out there for 3 outs long, which could be 10 minutes or could be an hour. You just don't know. And this sport will become so popular that young children will play it. And the ones chosen to play right field will be bored out of there minds.,...ahhh haha haha"

Doubleday was down right evil! DAMN YOU DOUBLDAY! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL WHERE YOU WILL BE FORCED TO PLAY RIGHT FIELD-IN A NEVER ENDING INNING!

So now that I have established the fact that I don't quite care for Doubleday, I would like for it to be known that FINALLY, on the fields of Suniland park (the field closest to the basketball courts), the fourth inning is finally over!!! PRAISE the LORD!

Editors Note: Yes we are aware that Abner Doubleday most likely did not invent the game of baseball, but at the time of this piece that is what I thought. So could you just let the character talk as if it were the eighties for crying out-loud. Jeesh. Everyones gotta point out the tiny historical inaccuracies about every friggin thing. All this stress of writing these things so perfect really sucks. I mean, I wish there was a place where I could go and not be bothered by anybody. I wouldn't care if it was boring. I just miss being left alone, I miss peace and quiet. DEAR GOD......(insert dramatic pause)..... DO I MISS RIGHT FIELD?!!!!

Banksy's thoughts on Phish?

Banksy/Phish Shirt



So, um, yeah. I am sure this is exactly what Banksy had in mind when he developed his signature Rat image.


This is to be said in your best Muffled Stealthy British Voice ( the way he sounds in this trailer)





So, keep that voice on while reading the following:

Yeah, so I developed the Banksy Rat, because you know, Rats are everywhere, but no one wants to think about em. Sort of like how a typical Phish Head ignores-the tour rat (the non showering-follow around that Vermont-wish they were the Grateful Dead-Jam band-loitering outside the show venues begging for free tickets, all the while making fun of the people they are asking the free tickets from. Yeah, and then one day, one of those "tour rats" could come up with the idea to capitalize on my art as well as the so called art that are "Phish Lyrics". The smelly little Americans will sell a shirt slightly changing an image I created. Then this tour rat will go to venues like Deer Creek, Alpine Valley, the Greek and/or Telluride, CO. pretending to be free love hippies, when in reality they are Free Market Loving Capitalists (Tea-Party like, if you will- even though the Tea Party hadn't been invented yet at the time of this Mock Banksy Thought). Oh, it will be so nice to have my well thought out Politically charged-Rat Image, changed to the awe-inspiring Phish Lyric "Bag it, Tag it" . No shit, I can't wait!

Here is Banksy's image:



Here is the Phish lot shirt:

Winners announced for July

1st prize- Jonah L from Portland, Oregon... The winning email, " Dear Short Attention What? Are guys real? Heard a rumor you were simply some writers from Cartoon Networks' Adult Swim just fucking around. Any truth to that rumor?"

Good Email Jonah. For that you win this Squidbillies Booty Hunter Hat

And also this copy of the Squidbillies Volume 2



As well as this Tim and Eric Awesome Show, great job Art Print:



And Jonah, these gifts may or may not come signed from some certain people....



Our second place winner this month is Arnie B. from New York City, with an email that said, "How dare you call out two young athletes for something you have no idea about, you lil motha fu- , you basement hiding, geeky tool!!! Go Gators!"

Arnie, you win 3 Chicken dinners to Kenny Loggins Roaster (Includes two sides and a drink).



And this signed autograph picture of the greatest quarterback to ever play in the state of Florida.







And our 3rd prize winner was Dale from Gainesville, Florida. Dales winning email simply read, "This is in response to the Future NFL Rookie of the years post- It's called Gatorade!"

Not original, seeing as Chan had already posted this witty response in the comments section of the post, but it still made us smirk. So, Dale you win a ten dollar bill and 5 unlabeled CDs (not all too scratched up) that we found in our various cars and have not even listened to them to confirm what they are.

Sign up for mailing list this month and you could win.

Sign up for the mailing list and automatically enter yourself to win. Just send in an email with "Mailing List" in the subject line to shortattentionwhat@gmail.com.

Video- Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead unknowingly dosed?

That is the assumption after Bass Player Phil Lesh came out the next night and announced, "Never drink out of something you haven't poured yourself." Then Phil hugged his longtime bandmate.

Freakiest late night-T.V. show music performance (that we dig) of the month award goes to.....

..........it's a tie.

With 47 points, we'd like to congratulate them boys from Athens, of Montreal. If you have never heard of them, what I am trying to say, is they live in Montreal, but they call themselves from Athens.. Just messing with your non-of Montreal-knowing mind. It's backwards of what i said. This is actually the bonus, for web only song, that came in with a slightly higher percentage of the votes than the one they performed on the big show. However this one prevailed, probably cause the song is really pretty kick ass!

and then theres this....








-Barnabie Hector

Director, Short Attention What? Music Department /Co-Chairman of the Board of North Wing Operations. As well as SAW? Music Dept. Lone Western Music Studies Historian, and I wouldn't want to forget the fact that my title also includes Short Attention What? Music Department Vice assistant/co-president day to day operations.

Webster